23 October, 2006



Warning. I'm venting. I need to scream right now.

I'm a little depressed right now. And pissed. Mostly at myself. Trying very hard to stay positive about things, but sometimes its just hard. No, I'm not talking about things in the world of comics; that's my hobby, and I use my hobbies as someplace to go to get away from things. Rather, I'm talking about the way things are going on right now in my life. Just when you think you're getting ahead, bang, something happens to knock you down farther than you were when you began.

My online friends have been noticing that I haven't been around much. Anywhere. There are some places where I haven't shown my avatar in more than a month (RBSU, BBRS). Others, particularly ComicBloc, I show up for a few minutes just to check the latest news, but then go away without leaving much comment. Sorry guys. Its not because I don't want to be around or losing faith or interest or whatever. Its just the sad truth that, when one grows up, one has to keep their hobbies on a lower priority than such mundane things as work, family, and general, everyday living. Right now I'm feeling bad because I just haven't been able to keep up with even the little news that has been coming out, nor have I been able to participate in the conversations on my favorite forums. I haven't even been able to post a BB/RCBW in weeks, even though I have more than enough material for one right now. It feels like I've let people down, and I guess it just bothers me.

Last month I went out to Oregon to bring a truckload of belongings to my mother-in-law. I was gone for about ten days, roundtrip. When I got back, I discovered something I had prepared for a client had not been delivered in a timely manner, and I was therefore now in deep trouble with that client. This despite the fact that I had checked in with the client's office twice to make sure things were OK, and was never informed of any problems. Doesn't matter, I got blamed anyway, especially since I was out of town and it was difficult to reach me when I was on the road (Note to Sprint users: Cell phone reception in middle-of-nowhere Wyoming, Utah, Nevada, and Oregon sucks). So for the last month I've been busy trying to make this client happy. Busting my butt off to make this client happy. Beating myself with a stick and working incredibly long hours to make this client happy. And now I'm being told, its not good enough. And this really bothers me.

And on top of all this, I've got family issues. Parents who are getting on in years, and all the medical and financial problems that entails (not to mention that I'm more than a little afraid for one of them). Simple things like getting the kids to do their homework, keeping the house clean, doing the laundry, etc. It gets really, really depressing when you come home, look at the stuff that sincerely needs to get done, but know that there is no way in hell you'll be able to get to any of it for days and days. If that. Maybe. Because there's only 24 hours in a day, you have to sleep sometime, and everyone wants you to be doing their "top priority" thing first. And this really, really bothers me. Not to mention pisses me off.

When everything is a priority, nothing is a priority.

So I'm in a crappy mood right now. Part anger, part frustration, part self-flagellation. I don't quite know how to get out of it, except to admit that life sometimes sucks and the only way out is through. So I guess I've just got to take a deep breath, suck it in, and go on. Because when you get right down to it, there really isn't much else one can do. Doesn't make it any easier, though.

Looking forward to the day when I can sit down and read a bunch of comics without feeling guilty that I shouldn't be doing something else.

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